The New Year is like a blank canvas to me. Many are often discouraged staring at a white canvas for fear of everything that could go wrong. It’s easy to doubt yourself and to be afraid of making mistakes because more often than not you will infact make mistakes and the end result will be nothing like what you expected.
I sometimes have this initial thought when I start a new piece. The thought is actually “what if I forget how to do this?” It is an irrational fear but the reason is that I look at previous work and I am completely unaware of exactly how I was able to produce such a thing. I mean, I can’t explain precisely what is going on in my head, or put into words why or how I make every brush stroke. I am stricken with a fear that the part of my brain which controls the pencil and the brush will just not turn on this time. What saves me from utter paralysis, however,is not a necessarily a confidence in my ability as an artist but a confidence in my ability to fix my mistakes.
This past year was certainly a difficult one for many. It was a year of change, sacrifice,and new beginnings for everyone but I for one am excited to ring in the NewYear. In 2011 I feel like I redefined myself as a person and as an artist through a lot of challenges. I know that errors are inevitable and instead of beating myself up over mistakes, I try my best to learn from them, to correct them, and to move on. So I look forward to the new struggles, heartache, and countless errors and mistakes that I will face in the New Year.
I don’t like to make New Year’s resolutions because I feel like we should always try to better ourselves, not just when it is socially expected. However, if I had tomake one resolution it would be to make more mistakes because if I’m not screwing anything up then I’m just paralyzed with fear. Just like errors resultin a more unique painting, so do they shape who we are in the end. If we approach life without fear and doubt then we can allow ourselves to see the limitless potential in the blank canvas that is 2012.